If I Have…

If i have to parallel park don't invite me.

When You’re Stuck…

When you're stuck in a traffic jam but there's a dog in the car next to you.

Wife And Dog…

Seaman wife and dog kidnapped by ninjas need money for karate lessons i really want my dog back.

Apart From Going…

Aapart from going out and becoming an alcoholic what else is there to do when you're single.

I Told My…

I told my friend i was having a bad day, and he sent me this, hope it makes your day better too.

Dear Girls, If…

Dear girls, if you fail in love donut end your life because he might get another girlfriend but your father won't get a princess like you.

When I Was…

When i was young i wanted to be married by 23. Let's all laugh together.

When You Agreed…

When you agreed to go out and the time to go out is getting closer.

I’m Not A…

I'm not a stalker, i'm just an unpaid private investigator.

Teacher: Why Are…

Teacher: why are you late? me: heavy traffic teacher: is that my fault? me: did i blame you? the whole class:.

4000 Years &…

4000 years we are back at the same language

I Hate When…

I hate when i go out in public and other people are there too??? like what the fuck.

I Ran Twice…

I ran twice today. First, i ran out of beer, and then i ran to get some more.

While You Are…

While you are crying for new branded shoes someone still dreams for your old one.

When Your Co-Worker…

When your coworkers ask you what you're doing after work i'm relaxing, i'm getting blackout drunk. And you're leaving me alone.

Here Is To…

Here to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. If you cheat, may you cheat death; if you steal, may you steal a woman heart; if you fight, may you fight for a brother; if you drink, may you drink with me.

A Wine Please…

A wine please miss, this is mcdonald's ok, a mc wine, please.

Me Looking For…

Me looking for someone who genuinely has feelings for me won't waste my time.

Like If This…

Like if this ever happened to you.

Remember When People…

Remember when people had diaries got mad when someone read them? now they put everything online and get mad when people don't.