When Your Co-Worker…

When your coworkers ask you what you're doing after work i'm relaxing, i'm getting blackout drunk. And you're leaving me alone.

When Your Friend…

When your friend texts you how you're feeling? knowing damn well they bought you 10 shots last night.

This Is Why…

This is why women live longer than men.

I Can’t Drink…

I can't drink like i used to me still in my 20s.

Whoa Is That…

Whoa is that your third glass of wine? whoa, is that your third husband carol?.

I Ran Twice…

I ran twice today. First, i ran out of beer, and then i ran to get some more.

When You’re Drunk…

When you're drunk and someone starts taking pictures.

Everyone Who Poured…

Everyone who poured soda in the cap and took it like a shot when they were younger are now alcoholics.

My Life Is…

My life is 50% wondering if it's too late to drink coffee and 50% wondering if it's too early to drink alcohol.

I Don’t Always…

I don't always walk the walk or even talk the talk, but if you ever need someone to drink the drink, i'm totally there for you.

I Need To…

I need to play this.

When U Smell…

When smell a certain alcohol and remember that time almost died.

My Wife Told…

My wife told me, take $30 and buy a christmas nativity scene. The rest you can spend in beer.

Alcohol May Not…

Alcohol may not solve your problems but neither will water or milk.

Wanna Get Drunk…

Want to get drunk? its not even lunchtime. You have fucking issues ok yea i'm down.

Alcohol Has The…

Alcohol has the same benefits as yoga.

Valentine’s Day Idea…

Valentine's day idea: go bar hopping and fake a proposal in each place, so people buy us drinks all night, and we get drunk for free.

Alcoholic, Level Pro…

How to sotre your alcohol safely.

This Shit Would…

This shit would be live.

I Was Asked…

I was asked for suggestions on improving morale at work