Dad, what is an alcoholic? Son do you see 4 of those cars? An alcoholic would see 8. But that there are only 2.
When the car in front of you keeps hitting their brakes for no reason
How to talk to short people: correct wrong.
Blanket on: too hot, blanket off: too cold, one leg out: perfect.
Life of first son vs life of second son.
My coworker said, i can't find you on facebook. I said, i found you first and blocked you.
Being able to instantly respond with sarcasm is actually a sign of a healthy brain.
Food isn't allowed in the living room. His tablet isn't allowed in the kitchen. He beat the system. I quit.
I can't wait to get married, so i can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.
This guy cut me off, but i decided to let it slide...
Stop asking me how i'm doing. You know damn well i'm tired, hungry and need mimosas delivered by puppies.
I will be amused after my coffee.
The only girl in the world who gets ready in just seconds.
When your body is perfectly in tune with nature!!.
When your shy friend finally gets a chance to sit beside his crush, and you look at him like.
When you think you are useless, take a look at Jason Mamoa's bodyguards.
That awkward moment when everyone is talking about their skills and talents, and you're like: i can breathe.
Maybe my mom was right all those years ago. Maybe i won't be happy until someone loses an eye. Maybe that's what's been missing.
I am a texter. Please do not facetime or call me. I will watch the phone ring.
Like if this ever happened to you.