Do ever get that sudden outburst of motivation to go and make your life better than after 5 mins your like yeah that's not happening.
Do you ever feel like you're in season five of your life, and the writers are just doing outrageous shit to keep it interesting?.
There should be an app where friends can put in their work schedule so you and your friends can all easily compare schedules, and you can actually do something with your life.
It's been a rough week so far but on a positive note, i don't need bail money and i don't have any bodies to hide.
When you finally find the person who ruins your life.
The toes you step on today may be connected to the foot in your ass tomorrow.
Tom jerry taught me that life is incomplete without enemies.
As kids, we wondered why our parents were always in a bad mood. Now, were like... Ooooohhhh.
Once you're matured, you will realize that silence is more important than proving a point.
As i watch this generation try to rewrite history, one thing i'm sure of... It will be misspelled and have no punctuations.
Karma doesn't spare anyone.
Life is short! actually, my height too.
As an adult, any free time you have is actually just you're procrastinating.
I always have a headache and i'm always hungry and i'm always ready for a nap when did i turn into a dying and crippling 83 year old.
I love it when people think they're going to punish me by not talking to me.
I'm finding it hard to care about anything these days. In fact, the only thing i do care about is the fact that i can't care about anything.
When life is hard but your trying to be healthy.
My favorite thing about the good old days was i wasn't good and i wasn't old.
Alcohol may not solve your problems but neither will water or milk.
Life hack: if you drink a gallon of water per day, you won't have time for other peoples drama because you will be too busy peeing.